So, here I am. I've finally decided to start blogging. I've been wanting to for awhile now, but thanks to my husband's chagrin, I postponed my blogging. "Only hippies blog!!??" He says. Oh well. Here goes nothing.
Blogging is like a "dear diary" of sorts, eh? Funny when we are young we put little locks on our diaries, hide them under our beds, keep them away from big brothers and moms, even best friends, mortified at the THOUGHT that someone would actually open the thing up and read it. A rare look into our deepest thoughts and secrets, death by embarrassment would surely come upon us if someone got their hands on it. However, "dear diary" is now, "dear entire whole huge gigantic cyber world of billions of people." Hmm. That's different.
Different as it may be, I need this. When I first started to think about blogging, my main focus was going to be on my journey to find God. I compare myself to a grade-schooler, eh, maybe a kindergartner in the school of Christianity, God, Faith, etc. Sometimes I get really good grades, definitely something really cool to put on the fridge door and brag to mom about, and sometimes I slack a little. I was really looking forward to communicating my struggles, maybe to develop relationships with others, invite others to read my thoughts and give insight, and just mainly to get it off my chest.
What put me over the "blog edge" was the discovery of my mom, my beloved Queen, having lung cancer. It is a brand new bloody bruised ugly wound that hurts deeply. It is now more than ever that I need to speak, just get my thoughts out and organize them, if that's possible. My friends and family know I'm a better writer than I am a talker, so maybe people can follow my blog and "hear" things they might not from talking to me.
I've named my blog "Faith Moving" for the obvious reasons I've mentioned above. All you need is faith, right? Eh, I dunno. Maybe. Faith or the lack there of, is and has been consuming my soul for awhile now. Faith in God, faith in myself, faith in doctors, faith in my mother, my family, my husband. I thought my faith in God was truckin' steadily up the Faithometer, I was feeling good, I was reading my bible everyday, asking a lot of good questions (at least to me) and praying daily. Then I was hit with this semi truck of cancer, and my Faithometer took a plunge. I want to be angry at God, but can I be angry at someone I don't really know yet? It's like picking someone out of a crowd at random and shouting, "Hey you, over there! I'm mad at you!" That's not fair. Is it?