Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Attention: All God-fearing people!

Before I read the Bible and started reading and talking about this faith journey I'm on, I never understood why people would define themselves as a "God Fearing Man." Or woman for that matter. They always described themselves in this manner when talking about how they were faithful Christians and lived a God-centered life. So I was confused. God was our father. God was papa, he loved us and blessed us and looked after us and we are his children. Why are we fearing him? I don't fear my mother that loves me and takes care of me. The only reason I would fear God was if I didn't believe in him or if I was a crazy-pants sinner. Why would good Christians be proud that they were "God-fearing?" These were my thoughts before I read the bible.

Now that I have read the New Testament and am a good way into the Old Testament, I understand this. God is scary!!! I hope I don't get negative points in the Sara-going-to-heaven checklist book for saying that and saying the things to come....But come on!

OK wait, first let me say, I really should have read the Old Testament before the New, I would have understand the New alot better if I had read the Old first. So, now after I read the Old, I'm going back to read the New again, because the God I am getting to know in the Old, is much different than the one I got to know in the New.

Back to what I am finding out reading the Old...(still hoping I don't get negative points here)...God is a bit like a women during THAT time of the month. He seems to be very temperamental, unpredictable, scary and sometimes...dare I say it, cruel and unfair. He killed people for the sins of their ancestors, was quick to make deadly decisions and had no problem taking our millions of people because they did not worship him. I have made it to the book of Ruth so far in the Old Testament, and I'll tell you, reading up to Ruth has been rough. It is said many a times, God is a jealous God. YA THINK?!?!?! He certainly is. God also says many times, Fear Me. I am God, fear God. I asked my husband why we should fear God, and he thinks fear used in that way means Respect. OK, well I can respect God, and that sounds a lot nicer....but if it's supposed to mean Respect, why doesn't it say respect. I have a feeling it means Fear, and we should Fear.

God did a lot of things that I do not understand and that I feel bad about. I especially feel bad for Moses. Moses worked his butt off! He put up with the Israelites that were acting like toddlers, not listening, giving him a hard time, had all that pressure of being the sole person between all of the Israelites and God, and God would not let him join the Israelites in the Promised Land just because he made a little (in my eyes) mistake.

God does show a lot of mercy and a lot of forgiveness in the Bible, as well. Even though he is harsh, he also says if you ask for forgiveness, I will forgive you, and he does every time. Why couldn't he have been merciful with Moses. If ANYBODY deserved that stinkin' Promised Land it was Moses.

I feel like the Israelites were learning, toddlers like I am in the school of God and Faith, and they weren't given any wiggle room. They weren't given any chance to fail and try again. This really hits home for me because I am just like the Israelites. I am learning, I feel the need to test God, I don't have all my faith ducks in a row. I desperately need mercy, I need God to allow me to make mistakes and falter in my faith and allow me to get back up and dust myself off and keep going on my journey without being damned.  Maybe I am wrong, maybe I am seeing things the wrong way, but all I can say is, THANK GOD FOR JESUS!!!!


  1. Sara, I love you! You are really working and studying into this Jesus stuff and you're doing an excellent job. You're right - the way God is described in the Old Testament does seem scary a lot of the time. What's wild is that God says he is always the same, he does not change. And yet the God in the Old Testament does seem different than the one in the New - so what's up with that? It's the story of God interacting with humanity throughout time, how we sinned and brought all darkness into the world, but how He was so jealous for us and loved us so intensely that he was willing to allow his own son to die so that we could be reunited with him. He hates being separated from his kids! As we get into closer contact with who God is, see His beauty and holiness, we also begin to see how bad sin is and how Jesus had to die the excruciating death that he did because of how heinous sin was. In the Old Testament, sometimes the Israelites were into bad religion, killing their children, horribly oppressing their own people, basically enslaving them. If there were a culture out there today doing these things, we would want them judged too. God gave so much time (in his mercy) and warned many times what would happen if they did not change and become merciful and stop killing and oppressing. When they listened, he did not judge, or not as harshly. But when they ignored him, he had to keep his word and discipline the nation.

    It's hard to read, I agree. But it's a great opportunity for us to talk to Father God about it, like straight up say, "God, I think you're mean. I hate to say that but I do. And that makes me wonder if I can trust you in my life. Can I trust you, Father God?" It's great to ask those questions - whenever I ask hard questions, really "duke it out" with God, God really shows up and helps me understand. I just have to stick with the asking-Him process, like you're doing. So keep it up, sister. You're awesome.

    And PS: And God isn't intimidated by your questions either. An insecure person would be mad you questioned their authority but God is very secure in His role so He understands the season you're in and wants you to know Him so he's okay with your questions.) :)

  2. Amen for Jesus! It's because of Him that we're able to come before God and ask those questions. We have that advantage over the Israelites; they had to rely on following the Law and keeping up with animal sacrifices, and we rely on Jesus. I love watching this journey of yours. Part of me feels like I'm missing out because I grew up knowing God, whereas your journey started later in life. These new truths hit home more deeply for you, and you are much more fervent in growing your faith. I love it.

    As far as Moses is concerned...I thought I had a link to a friend's blog about that very issue, but seems as though her comments were in conversation and not in writing. She wondered if maybe God's plan wasn't all along for Moses to not enter, and Moses' mistake almost gave God more reason to not let him in. Because then Joshua wouldn't have been raised up as the new Israelite leader. (That conversation stemmed from a discussion after reading Plan B by Pete Wilson, if you're ever interested in checking it out.)

    Ok, just one more thought... I love Revelation 4. I read it to our praise team once in a while to remind them why and for Whom we stand up and sing every Sunday. I meditated on that chapter one night, and it scared me. Gave me a new understanding of the fear of God, knowing that He is very real and one day I will literally stand before Him. Jesus is my only hope. He'd wipe me out otherwise.